Inspiration and Breakthroughs

I haven't felt like writing in weeks. I don't know what it is. I feel like my creativity moves in cycles, just like people's hormonal levels. Usually the pinnacle of my creativity occurs when I happen to be reading, drawing and writing consecutively. And I need a good does of inspiration.

I find it kind of funny but the inspiration that triggered my newest cycle of creativity is a TV show called, "The Secret Diary of a Call Girl", a show based off of the novels of an anonymous writer, "Belle de Jour" who published a series of memoirs under a "nom de plume" to protect her identity and those of her clients.
[photo from Virgin Media, http://www.virginmedia.com/tvradio/galleries/drama/sex-ontv.php?ssid=10 ]

Here is the link to her blog (which prompted the publication of the aforementioned books):
http://belledejour-uk.blogspot.com/

I put it best in my diary, "...funny how the strangest things can inspire you. I think that would be the best and the worst part about being a writer - getting inspired...".
It'd be like having a job that necessitates you being addicted to crack except instead of narcotics you'd be addicted to ideas and literature. I'd be the most interesting addict in the world. On the downside when you hit the creative wall like I did for most of the month, it becomes a bit of a chore.

I like the way writing is going these days (though maybe for authors its become a nightmare), because so many people are writing blogs and learning to write - in a community rather than a little diary that gets tucked away in a drawer and never seen again. It gets me in the right frame of mind, of recording in my head the little moments of note of my every day life. Like my brother said, maybe its not as important what I'm writing about so much as how I write it. That's what it is. What I like about blogs. Some of the things people write about can be so banal, but its the personality that shines through that is intriguing, the way they describe those everyday events.

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I've had several breakthroughs over the past few weeks, mainly on how I feel about France.

I must admit, I'm still dealing with a copious amount of resentment with respects to being approached by random men basically anywhere I go. I'm not bragging, I've figured out that it doesn't really have much to do with how you look, but how you act. Despite learning not to make eye contact, not to smile, to ignore people as you walk through the street, and perfecting my very own version of the French I-will-eat-your-babies-and-then-smoke-a-cigarette-scowl, there's something I'm missing. There's a piece of the puzzle I'm still searching for, that will label me in their minds as "unattainable-and-out-my-league", and thus the being approached by bums while eating dinner and the poetry reading while I'm trying to draw outside will cease.

But last night a friend of mine made me see it in a different light. Instead of resenting my inability to spurn these individuals instantly (there is definitely a language barrier problem, as they never teach you in ANY class how to politely ask someone to bugger off - all I can think of in the heat of the moment is various French versions of "F*ck off" which seems a little excessive in most situations), I can, in a way, appreciate it. R was talking about how much of a great experience it was to live in a French city and learn how to deal with beggars, scammers (and in my case, men) since we're kind of sheltered where we both live at home. And he's right, what a life experience! Instead of thinking of how I love Canada so much more because I don't have to deal with those things, I'm going to enjoy France for the experience its giving me, for making me a tougher, stronger, and most importantly - fiercer! woman.
This pic is from my trip with A&U in Hameln earlier this month, but I thought it was appropriate in terms of my taking on the world ;-)