Latest and Greatest

Its been almost a year since I half heartedly made my New Year's resolutions to be more green. I'm happy to say I still only very rarely purchase plastic bottles (though I must admit, I buy the large plastic milk jugs in the Maritimes because they're 4L and it seems a waste to buy twice the necessary amount of carton just to avoid plastic), I will eat meat somewhere around 2-3 times a week TOTAL. Chickpeas and kidney beans have greatly supplemented my diet. Hankies have up until this point been largely erroneous after coming back from France (probably because I was no longer practicing outside in the rain in January), and I haven't bought any micro-beaded exfoliants (I even raided my parents' bathroom cabinet and disposed of what sea-creature killers we had).

Speaking of meat though I would like to recommend the latest and greatest on my reading list this year - right up there with The World Without Us in terms of chanigng-my-world-outlook-forever-and-making-me-change-my-lifestyle-and-blogging-about-it-NESS. My latest and greatest this year is: The Compassionate Carnivore by Catherine Friend.

(photo taken from www.elephantjournal.com)

This book was like a wake up call. Its not preachy, it discusses some difficult issues but issues we need to be aware of as consumers (and she doesn't beat your around the head with it either).

The biggest thing for me was what she said about waste. According to her calculations (and she footnotes everything, including these calculations, I like that - you can actually see where she gets her information if you don't like it) at LEAST 7,500 cows, 18,000 hogs and 1 million chickens are slaughtered in the U.S every day and then basically go in the garbage (Friend, 57). The meat expires in the store, or gets wasted at restaurants, or gets scraped out of our old tupperware - but its all just waste. That's not to tell people "don't eat meat" because I like meat, you like meat, our entire human species has been eating meat from day one - what she, and what I'm saying is, we have to realize that this isn't just food.

These animals have their lives taken in order to feed us. It would be massively disrespectful to go and throw that life in the garbage, or scrape it off your plate because you're full. As beings that respect that death and cherish life we should at least have the decency to use every last single bit so that those deaths shouldn't be for nothing!!! I tell you, when I'm cooking meat now, its a precious thing - nothing is to be wasted, or go uneaten or left on my plate. I only cook as much as I know for sure will be eaten, and I'm going to try my best never to let meat go to waste.

We never think of that. We think of the money going to waste, the time going to waste that went into cooking it, but never the animal who died to give it to us. We need to rearrange the way we think and realize that its not just money or corporations or labels but living things that we're dealing with here. And we should treat them with the respect they deserve.

Aphra Behn and Going Back to School

The first day back!

If nothing else, university is a wonderful place to get inspired. No wonder we're seeing a societal trend where people accumulate degrees!!! Had two of my English classes today. Enjoyed them immensely.

I met the woman I want to be in 15 years, a professor for one of my second year English courses. Her vocabulary is immense (she used the word "draconian" to describe her marking style), she refuses to communicate via e-mail ("I didn't become an English professor to talk to a machine") and during the first class banned all laptops from her lectures, insisting that since we're studying 16th and 17th century literature we should write everything, to get more in tune with the works we're studying. (Photo credit: <http://search.barnesandnoble.com/The-Norton-Anthology-of-Literature-by-Women/Sandra-M-Gilbert/e/9780393930139>)

The other class covers literature by women up to the 20th century. This poem was one of my course readings, and I enjoyed it immensely. It made me laugh (how many poems written in 1684 can accomplish that?). Apparently the poet (Aphra Behn) is the first woman to have "lived by her pen" - essentially the first woman to live off of her written works. Quite a feat in the 17th century!

On Her Loving Two Equally
I
How strong does my passion flow,
Divided equally twixt two?
Damon had ne’er subdued my heart
Had not Alexis took his part;
Nor could Alexis powerful prove,
Without my Damon’s aid, to gain my love.
II
When my Alexis present is,
Then I for Damon sigh and mourn;
But when Alexis I do miss,
Damon gains nothing but my scorn.
But if it chance they both are by,
For both alike I languish, sigh, and die.
III
Cure then, thou mighty winged god,
This restless fever in my blood;
One golden-pointed dart take back:
But which, O Cupid, wilt thou take?
If Damon’s, all my hopes are crossed;
Or that of my Alexis, I am lost.

Behn, Aphra. "On Her Loving Two Equally." 1684. Gilbert, Sandra M. and Susan Gubar. The Norton Anthology of Literature by Women. 3rd ed. Vol.1. New York: Norton, 2007. 184-185. Print.

Forgive me, I need to brush up my MLA skills (and what a great way to review!).

Pretty racy wasn't she?

What Do You Mean 'I'm not ready?'

I'm starting to buck the normality of planning everything in one's life out down to a tee. Kind of funny really, since I'm a very practical person (perhaps too practical) - my parents were both bankers, what can I say? I've been raised to analyze, save money, prepare for the future, think ahead... But everyone's busy planning and preparing is starting to get to me a bit.

Sad story: Lady wants a baby. Her and her man decide to wait until they have a nice house. Wait until they have enough money put away, waiting, waiting, waiting for the "right time". One day she looks in the mirror and she's closer to 40 than she was to 30, and the clock is ticking. Her man loses his job - now where do they stand?

We've been getting pregnant for hundreds of thousands of years. We were CAVEWOMEN when we were getting pregnant - back when giant cats and animals were hunting us, and all we could really do was put pointy sticks together to protect ourselves, and hope that we would get fed sometime that week... So why is it now that before having kids, everyone HAS to have paid the mortgage, saved up boat loads of money and bought out BabiesRus? We've lost sight of the whole reproduction process and turned it into this big défit that makes babies The Ultimate Nightmare. Whatever happened to getting pregnant when you got pregnant and just being happy to have a baby...?
I guess my point is we've started building up all these standards of what wealth and security and responsibility is supposed to mean that we've lost sight of the essential - hundreds of thousands of years ago women were giving birth in caves, where they didn't have epiderals, or c-sections or a 10 year plan and look where we are today? We've overpopulated the planet?!?! Surely just about anyone can do better than pointy sticks and nooks in a cliff - so if you want a baby, just get pregnant already, and worry about the mortgage when you're 40 and can't have children anymore.

Hometown Glory

Hometown Glory

by Adele

I’ve been walking in the same way as I did
Missing out the cracks in the pavement
And tutting my heel and strutting my feet
“Is there anything I can do for you dear? Is there anyone I can call?”
“No and thank you, please Madam. I ain’t lost, just wandering”

Round my hometown
Memories are fresh
Round my hometown
Ooh the people I’ve met
Are the wonders of my world

[......]

I like it in the city when the air is so thick and opaque
I love to see everybody in short skirts, shorts and shades
I like it in the city when two worlds collide
You get the people and the government
Everybody taking different sides

Shows that we ain’t gonna stand shit
Shows that we are united
Shows that we ain’t gonna take it
Shows that we ain’t gonna stand shit
Shows that we are united

(http://www.lyrics-celebrities.anekatips.com/song-lyrics/hometown-glory-lyrics-adele)

This song makes me think of being home again: "I've been walking in the same way as I did" - as if I were a different person walking in the same body, along the same roads and paths... the old me and the new me at the same time.

"You get the people and the government/Everybody taking different sides/Shows that we ain't gonna stand shit/shows that we are united/shows that we ain't gonna take it" What better way to describe the political climate in Iran right now?

Anyway when I hear this song it makes me think of coming back, of the current events that welcomed me home, of being back to everything I ever knew and fighting not to forget everything I now know.

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Went to the book store today for the first time in about a year. I haven't really let myself buy too many books because I knew they were either going to have to stay in Canada or that I'd have to drag them halfway across the world with me. So naturally this was the first time I was really able to spoil myself and get a whole bunch of stuff.

Without even realizing it I kind of put together an amalgam of stuff that I'd like to think represents the different facets of the person I've become - here's what I ended up buying;

Puppies for Dummies by Sarah Hodgson

The Ages of Gaia: A Biography of Our Living Earth by James Lovelock

Thanks for Coming: One Young Woman's Quest for an Orgasm by Mara Altman

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou

I was pretty interested in the book by Mara Altman because she's a 26 year old with a journalism degree that went on this kind of "spiritual" quest in search of her own sexuality - not entirely unlike A.J. Jacobs' The Year of Living Biblically, in which he searches for a better understanding of religion. I feel like these kind of books are becoming more and more common, and I must say that I enjoy reading something about an actual person's discoveries or understandings on life, rather than that of a fictional character. Its very much like following a dedicated (read: not me) blogger - you can relate to them, you know that somewhere out there, this person is existing, living their life.

I must admit that that's not the only reason I like those books - the second is that if they can do it, I can, right? Ever since I decided not to be a teacher and have been seriously

(image from http://guestofaguest.com/books/books-make-good-bedfellows-thanks-for-coming-by-mara-altman/)

considering journalism or editing as a career path, its like my mind just shut that part of itself off. I've been trying to figure out why, and I think its like candy when you're a kid: When you're little, candy's a treat, you only get to have some every once and a while. When you have your own job, your own money though, that changes - candy's not that special anymore since you can have it whenever you feel like it. I think writing is starting to get like that for me - when it was just a dream, something that would never come to pass, I loved to think about myself as an author someday, or a journalist. But now that my livelihood could very well depend on how well I put sentences together I'm scared that I'm not good enough, that I won't cut it.

All this time I've been trying to follow my dreams, but what do you do when those dreams are suddenly within your grasp? I'm almost too scared to reach out and grab for it.

Updates on Life

Since Amsterdam I have:

Visited the South of France - Avignon, Arles, Marseille and Cassis.
Tried couch surfing for the first time in Avignon and had a blast.
Saw my first corrida (they didn't kill the bull) in Arles.
Hiked the Calanques of Cassis in Crocs. (alliteration...!)
Done so little school its too sad to be funny.
Had my first surprise birthday party (Thank you C, R and the MtA kids <3).
Had my first drunken karaoke surprise party (Thanks to Les MISS).
Visited family I hadn't seen for 14 years, and still felt like I was at home.
Played rugby in Belgium and partied in Brussels.

Man I should do more blogs like this. I've covered about 6 hours worth of blogging ;)

I'm Going to Miss the Skyline

I haven't written in ages. Now I kind of understand why people complain about their blogs, because you get this nagging little sense of guilt that you should be filling it for all the invisible web surfers that probably don't even read it and thus add more unnecessary stress to your life.

I just finished reading Kellen's blog and it made me want to write in mine. Funny how its always through reading other people's writing that the urge to write comes back to me. Must remember.

Today's my last day in Strasbourg. Tomorrow morning I catch the 06:45 train out to Paris to join my family for travels. I feel like the past two weeks of my life have been the conclusion to some kind of cheesy novel or maybe a sitcom, where everyone reflects about how far they've come in the last year.

I read over a bunch of letters my friends had written to me at the beginning of the year for my plane ride, all of them encouraging, telling me not to be sad that I was leaving, that it was such an amazing opportunity. I laughed a little while reading my own frailty between the lines - and I wonder if I'm at all the same person that stepped on that plane last September? I've changed so many of my perspectives on life.

The rush of words have stopped in my head, and unfortunately everything I try to write keeps getting muddled as I type it out, so I'm afraid that's all for today. Kind of sad, I missed writing in this thing.

Soon, soon, invisible web surfers, I promise.

Angry.

Mostly at myself. But waiting in line at Office Depot for twenty minutes (and for nothing!) doesn't help. Neither do classes run for idiots. (Phonetics class: "Repetez, Oh-Ou-AHH!!!!", Littératures déssinées class: 1 hr explanation of the following - Comic books = condensed novels.... REALLY GENIUS?!?! They should just hand me a PhD because my brain isn't made of mashed potatoes.)

I have been handicapped by the classes here. I can't write essays. I procrastinate. I don't do homework.

France has given me a lobotomy, and I handed them my brain on a platter.

Must.Try.Harder...

The Collective or Sub "Conscious"?

Weird moment today in class.

The teacher was discussing the Arts during the Renaissance, and the fact that actors would put on tragedies that corresponded with the tragedies of the time. Today, she said, they could put on a tragedy about earthquakes for example, as an allusion to the earthquakes in Italy.

Instantly I was reliving the dream I had last night, of being caught in an earthquake in the night, in a city that wasn't my own...

Truth be told I did have a newspaper yesterday, but I was reading all about the NATO summit. I merely glanced at the article about the Italian earthquakes, I didn't even get around to reading the sub heading or the text under the photograph.

So what is that? My subconscious pulling out a moment's thought from the day and turning into an entire logical and flowing dream? Or is there really such a thing as a collective consciousness, that we're all connected by this tiny fiber of awareness? Another thing, merely a detail that struck me, was the fact that my dream was set at night, not really the usual for me but nothing really out of the ordinary, but coincidentally the quakes started in the night on Sunday.

I'm not psychic, nowhere close. Its just that after suddenly remembering that dream in class today, I suddenly feel... connected. I know that I wasn't reliving what happened, because I was in a lake surrounded by apartment buildings (which you don't really see in cities) trying to keep from getting crushed by the falling buildings and debris. All I'm saying is that there are elements there - the flash of terror, the way the lights of the buildings look against the night sky, the screams...

Have you ever considered that? That maybe our dreams aren't just bits of hashed up things our subconscious feeds us while we're sleeping...? Maybe within those unintelligible narratives there are real fragments, albeit little ones, one someone else's consciousness. A moment, a thought, a memory that doesn't belong to you.

Maybe that's why so many people can't remember what it is they dream. Maybe we shouldn't.

[image from http://cs3143.k12.sd.us/year/menu.htm]

i amsterdam

[Work in progress because I'm a lazy bum]

Reminders to self: Van Gogh and journalism, Anne Frank House and museums, Kylie Minogue, Christian hostel, Red Light District, French Face = love, book store inspiration, missing street art exhibition, reminder to take notepad with oneself wherever from now on - finally understand writers, dichotomoy of neighborhoods...

Sunshine :-)

The power of the SUN!!! Not renewable energy, but in terms of happiness!!! Over the past few days everyone in Strasbourg has been reveling in it - and I've been trying to figure out its effect on my life and moods.

For example, there was a good month in between January and March where it just rained constantly. Honestly I couldn't bear it anymore, and I didn't realize it was the rain that was getting me down until the sun came out again for a day or two. I was so miserable whenever it came to doing anything - because I had to go outside, and rugby basically became a chore. NOW I remember why I love rugby again - its so much fun to run around and roll on the grass when its not too cold out and when the last rays of sun are hitting the uprights...

Another way I found the weather really effected me was during travels. As sad as it is to say I think (though I did enjoy myself) that Berlin would have made much more of an impression on me had it not been raining most of the time. I'm not complaining (because life isn't all sunshine and daisies, you gotta learn to enjoy the rainy days too), and Berlin was wonderful, but I know that the sunny days in Amsterdam really left me with this impression of being re-energized and invigorated by my travels.

I never really realized the effect sunshine had on my general outlook... Good thing I wasn't born in England or Ireland, imagine what a dour person I would have grown up to be???

[pictures are from Amsterdam trip]

Helicopters buzzing by my window....

I come back to Strasbourg and the first thing I see is cops. Everywhere. Then barricades. Then helicopters. Then buses with more cops.
They actually brought in police officers from all over France, because when I asked one of them how to navigate to my street with all the barricades, all he said was, "Ch'ais pas, ch'uis pas d'ici moi." (as in "débrouilles-toi dit donc!!!"). Thanks. Anyway it took me forever to get home. I'm going to bed.
All this because of the NATO summit. And tonight Stephen Harper ate at the restaurant my friend works at. Fancy that.

(photo from LaProvence.com "Echauffourées à Strasbourg:
12 militants anti-Otan interpellés", 2 avril, 2009)

AND Obama gave a speech today in Strasbourg. For free. And I MISSED it. I was on a bloody train all day.

I'm in a foul mood indeed.

So Sweet...

All of you people with low iron levels rejoice!!! Here's some of the best and sweetest news a blood donor could ask for:

Nestle Nesquik Plus contains 15% of your supposed daily iron intake (and for you health crazies, only 150 calories when mixed with milk).

What a great excuse to mix yourself a hot chocolate everyday!!!

(Image from http://lewebpedagogique.com/3moulins/2008/03/)

Winter Trip to Germany

Finally!
Sorry. There's nothing like another eminent trip to get ya to try and get the last one written up. In case y'all didn't know, I've got train tickets booked for Amsterdam Monday, and some more for Avignon and Marseille in two weeks for our spring break. Nothing like train tickets bought and paid for to make you feel the tinglies in your feet.... :)

So! Germany with A&U. I've decided to write it up in a special way.

Hameln
Historical:
The legend of the Pied Piper ("Rattenfanger"). Apparently in 1284 a strange man came to the town to rid them of their rats, and when the villagers refused to pay came back and stole all their children away. Apparently there is some kind of historic background to the legend, despite being widely known for the Grimm brothers version of the story. (Something to do with the city's inhabitants being called "children of the city", though from there I don't really know how the spinoff went...)

Favorites:

• the massive city theme of rats: a giant golden rat on the bridge, a rat/pied piper fountain, the rats painted along the city to guide you through the main areas, the various business affiliations ("Rattenfangerhaus" restaurant, "Leseratte" (german equivalent of bookwork) book store, sugar rats, shillacked bread rats at the tourist shops (I bought one)...etc, etc. A collective town effort, we'll say!
• the Pied Piper version of the Glockenspiel on the facade of the Hochzeitshaus
• the "pancake" house we went to for lunch, like a hybrid version of an omellette and a pancake, delicious!

Erfurt
Historical:
Being on the Eastern side of Germany, Erfurt was a glaring foil to most of the Western parts of Germany I've visited so far. Still in the process of recovering and building from all those years under the GDR, its interesting from that standpoint. I was also really interested in A's part in its reconstruction of infrastructure - what an accomplishment, to help a city get back on its feet! I loved visiting Germany with A&U because of all the personal ties they have with the country and the various cities. Also would like to thank A&U's friend Mr.H for giving us a tour of the city. (You guys laughed when I took this picture at the Thuringer, but look how gorgeous it turned out!)
Favorites:
The GRAFFITI!!! A street artist goldmine, hands down some of the best photos I've taken on the trip, if not all year. Have promised to send A&U pictures of the massive street art display I plan on making in my appartment next year if my new roommate is willing ;)




Weimar
Historical:
Known for being the home base for both Goethe and Schiller. The Buchenwald concentration camp is also situated nearby, but we didn't go there.
Favorites:

• I got Goethe's "Faust" in a bookstore there (even though I have no idea whether I even like Goethe's works, but I'm romantic like that). The cash register was one of those old ones with buttons like an old type writer and made of wood.
• A&U brought me to this gorgeous timber frame restaurant and I had the BEST dark beer of my life (sadly, nothing will ever come close, and I don't know if I'll ever find anything comparable in Canada...): Kostriker. Yummm!
• U was so cute when we took this picture, "Three great writers, Goethe, Schiller and Zarah!!!" (you know I was loving every second of it)
  

My favorite writer right now...

... is a blogger.

Am mortified (in a snobby literary way) but its true. I've never read anything online like this woman's blog, I just got page after page after page. Of course, you know which one it is - the blog of Belle de Jour, the London call girl. She writes how I want (hope!) to write, of everyday (and not so everyday) things, sometimes poetic, other times funny, or just plain raunchy, hahaha. I like that about blogs, you're reading about the change of character in the author rather than fictional puppets. It makes them so much more relatable - knowing that somewhere out there this person is living their life just like you are.

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On another note, this made me fill up with pride - even though I'm not American, but I guess it doesn't matter. He's got big shoes to fill.

[I'm afraid I saved this a while ago and neglected to note where I got it from the internet - sorry for pilfering your photo, whoever you are]

BERLIN BABY!!!

Several weeks late, but better than late than never.

During our winter vacation, I was lucky enough to be invited to visit my German friends A&U for the second time. Staying with them was a little slice of heaven, like being surrounded by family and the familiar even though I was in a country that wasn't my own trying to decipher a language I've never spoken nor understood. I think Germany will always have a special little place in my heart for that. It lets you belong to a little piece of it.

[This picture is from when U dressed me up in her mountain climbing gear for a lark!!!]

Here's a little overview of the week
February 21st: Arrival in Hannover
February 22nd: Visit to Hameln
February 23rd: Visit to Erfurt and Weimar
February 24th: Further visit of Weimar and arrival in Berlin!
February 25th: Bus tour in Berlin
February 26th: Sad goodbyes with A&U who head back home, Solo adventures in Berlin begin
February 27th: Solo adventures in Berlin
February 28th: Catch the train to Strasbourg, surprise encounter with A&U at the Hannover changeover! and safe return to Strasbourg

More later.....

Inspiration and Breakthroughs

I haven't felt like writing in weeks. I don't know what it is. I feel like my creativity moves in cycles, just like people's hormonal levels. Usually the pinnacle of my creativity occurs when I happen to be reading, drawing and writing consecutively. And I need a good does of inspiration.

I find it kind of funny but the inspiration that triggered my newest cycle of creativity is a TV show called, "The Secret Diary of a Call Girl", a show based off of the novels of an anonymous writer, "Belle de Jour" who published a series of memoirs under a "nom de plume" to protect her identity and those of her clients.
[photo from Virgin Media, http://www.virginmedia.com/tvradio/galleries/drama/sex-ontv.php?ssid=10 ]

Here is the link to her blog (which prompted the publication of the aforementioned books):
http://belledejour-uk.blogspot.com/

I put it best in my diary, "...funny how the strangest things can inspire you. I think that would be the best and the worst part about being a writer - getting inspired...".
It'd be like having a job that necessitates you being addicted to crack except instead of narcotics you'd be addicted to ideas and literature. I'd be the most interesting addict in the world. On the downside when you hit the creative wall like I did for most of the month, it becomes a bit of a chore.

I like the way writing is going these days (though maybe for authors its become a nightmare), because so many people are writing blogs and learning to write - in a community rather than a little diary that gets tucked away in a drawer and never seen again. It gets me in the right frame of mind, of recording in my head the little moments of note of my every day life. Like my brother said, maybe its not as important what I'm writing about so much as how I write it. That's what it is. What I like about blogs. Some of the things people write about can be so banal, but its the personality that shines through that is intriguing, the way they describe those everyday events.

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I've had several breakthroughs over the past few weeks, mainly on how I feel about France.

I must admit, I'm still dealing with a copious amount of resentment with respects to being approached by random men basically anywhere I go. I'm not bragging, I've figured out that it doesn't really have much to do with how you look, but how you act. Despite learning not to make eye contact, not to smile, to ignore people as you walk through the street, and perfecting my very own version of the French I-will-eat-your-babies-and-then-smoke-a-cigarette-scowl, there's something I'm missing. There's a piece of the puzzle I'm still searching for, that will label me in their minds as "unattainable-and-out-my-league", and thus the being approached by bums while eating dinner and the poetry reading while I'm trying to draw outside will cease.

But last night a friend of mine made me see it in a different light. Instead of resenting my inability to spurn these individuals instantly (there is definitely a language barrier problem, as they never teach you in ANY class how to politely ask someone to bugger off - all I can think of in the heat of the moment is various French versions of "F*ck off" which seems a little excessive in most situations), I can, in a way, appreciate it. R was talking about how much of a great experience it was to live in a French city and learn how to deal with beggars, scammers (and in my case, men) since we're kind of sheltered where we both live at home. And he's right, what a life experience! Instead of thinking of how I love Canada so much more because I don't have to deal with those things, I'm going to enjoy France for the experience its giving me, for making me a tougher, stronger, and most importantly - fiercer! woman.
This pic is from my trip with A&U in Hameln earlier this month, but I thought it was appropriate in terms of my taking on the world ;-)

Blarrghhh

Technology is such a pain in the ass.

What did people do after big trips when there were no digital cameras, no internet, no Facebook? I've spent like 2 hours today getting all my photos together, organizing them, uploading them.... Basically doing an inventory of my entire week. And then I pretty much have to Blog about it too right (I mean, that is why I started this thing...)?
Seriously though, 15 years ago, you would have just dropped all your film off at the store, done your laundry, and maybe visit your friends like two weeks later to show them your pictures. We really do complicate everything around us.

I promise I will get to blogging about my trip to Germany and Berlin, but lordy what a process!

On a less exasperated note I ate the best dessert of my life just a little while ago, macarons from the nearby patisserie. She wasn't lying when she said they were good. I would gladly pay 5 euros every week to have 3 macarons every Sunday. Like eating a gelato and wafer poof that neither melts or crumbles.....

Totally Wackadoodle.

I've been watching too much Project Runway, because the title of the blog is totally stolen from "Suede" on the fifth season.... But it fits!

It's funny, I realized today that the way I think about the French has shifted drastically. I think at the beginning of the exchange I associated myself more with a European/French mentality than an American/Canadian one, but now I've totally flip flopped on the whole thing.

I don't know, maybe it was because compared to my friends I always kind of felt my family got a heavier European influence (whether from my parents or grandparents or whatever), just with cooking styles, eating habits, switching back and forth from English to French.... I still think that holds, we're definitely more European than your average Canadian family, but on my newly enlarged scale of what defines Canada and what is European, I now know that I'm DEFINITELY a Canadian gal, 100%.

Example of French ludicrousness:
We were just sitting in our "Savoirs culturels" class during our "pose" (break) and then this AIR RAID alarm comes on, which in itself is not that unusual (they test the air raid alarms the first Wednesday of every month to make sure they still work from WWII) until we realized it was neither a Wednesday nor the first week of the month.
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=APgSOmHGSiE&feature=related] Visit this link to hear what it sounds like.
The teacher tells us in this reassuring voice that its a fire alarm. Everyone kind of looks around nervously, but the teacher doesn't really pay attention. Then she starts rooting in her bag and in my row we're all kind of like, "Oh good, she's gonna call someone to see what's going on..." and then she pulls out some change for the coffee machine and just kind of flounces out of the room.
I was like, "What?!?!". Fire alarm going off, everyone is just sitting around, not doing anything, and this is what she does in the crisis moment, get COFFEE?!?! (So French if you think about it, pretty sure during the French Revolution while shit was burning down and people were getting killed some French guy was like, FUCKING SHIT, they burned the Tabac down, now I'll never get any cigarettes...)
Then a few students trickle in and tell us a few people went outside to go for a smoke and one of the teachers flipped out and told them not to leave the building.

So... when there's a fire alarm... you stay IN the building that's potentially on fire?

I don't care if the alarm's coming from the building down the block, if I can hear the friggin air raid horn going, I'm getting the hell out of any building that could potentially burn down around me.
?????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Like I said, they're a crazy people.

(Turned out the alarm was from the next building over, which still doesn't really explain why we wouldn't want to evacuate the place since we were next to it.)

The best part is their explanations:
"Nah there's no fire here, the alarm would be WAY louder."
"They make the alarms really loud so all the firemen in the city can hear it and come to help." (?! sounds... efficient...)

Anyway, this is by no means a criticism of the French, I think they're loveable in their complete ridiculousness. Like a little brother that is a pain in the ass and annoys the hell out of you but you still love 'em.
......... Kind of like Québec, really.Bahahaha so many people could be offended by this post. Please just read it knowing my tone is incredulous but affectionate. (And that les Québécois are only similar to the French in that they are both ridiculous in their respective annoying ways) <3

My Middle Finger

I have a whole new appreciation for my middle finger ever since a little bit of it got hacked off by someone's cleats two weeks ago. Someone must of stepped on my hand as it was splayed out on the ground or something, because they basically took off the calloused area on the inside of my middle finger, where it would touch the side of my pointer finger if I had my fingers together.

Here is a list of things you can't do with a hole on the side of your finger:
1) Floss properly.
2) Write (I usually balance the pen/pencil on the aforementioned-but-now-gone callous)
3) Brush my hair. (Don't get me wrong, I can still do it, but if your grip slips it'll split your finger open again...)
3) Sharpen a pencil. (Apparently I grip the pencil exactly with that spot on my finger to hold it firmly in the pencil sharpener, who knew?)
4) Opening mascara. (Same concept as the pencil)
5)Using utensils in a confident and efficient way. (Unless they're Ikea plastic utensils, because they don't bite into your skin like the metal ones)

I just thought everyone should take a moment to properly appreciate their fingers. We take them for granted in their dexterity and usefulness apparently!!!!
P.S - My middle finger is well on its way to recovery and to once again being a helpful member of the Right Hand Team. Thank you for your concern. ;-)

[image belongs to a Steffen Loyal? was unable to find the source]

Can't Go Back Now

Here's a song I heard today that really meant something to me. So many songs out there right now just talk about parties, dancing, girls, boys, sex, love, sadness... This song just made me kind of sit up in my chair and think: This song is what my life is right now.
Here are the lyrics, though I recommend you listen to the song, it's so pretty.

"Can't Go Back Now" by The Weepies

Yesterday when you were young
Everything you needed done was done for you
Now you do it on your own
But you find you're all alone, what can you do?

You and me walk on, walk on, walk on
'Cause you can't go back now

You know there will be days
When you're so tired
That you can't take another step
The night will have no stars
And you'll think you've gone as far
As you will ever get

You and me walk on, walk on, walk on
'Cause you can't go back now
And yeah, yeah, you go where you want to go
Yeah, yeah, be what you want to be
If you ever turn around, you'll see me

I can't really say
Why everybody wishes they were somewhere else
But in the end, the only steps that matter
Are the ones you take all by yourself

You and me walk on, walk on, walk on
Yeah, you and me walk on, walk on, walk on
'Cause you can't go back now
Walk on, walk on, walk on You can't go back now

(I couldn't get the bloody font under control. Esthetically annoying...grrrr)

I have to stop wishing I was somewhere else. I feel like so much of my life has been spent always looking forward. That's good sometimes (that's dreaming right?), but I need to look around me once and a while. Appreciate where I am now. Where I've come from.

#4. Hankies.

I know, I know, some of you will probably be grossed out, but here's my thinking:

The other day I was blowing my nose (for like the millionth time that day) and as I tossed my tissue in the garbage realized how much paper I must go through in a day... There's the waking up blowing my nose, the getting-inside-after-being-outside blowing my nose (obviously a periodical activity over the course of the day), the been-outside-for-a-really-long-time blowing my nose.... it just never ends!!!!

(Hahahah I found this pic on the net, and the first thing that came to mind was... Hankie from Heaven. But seriously now, why would you want a white, lacey hankie? I would just feel bad getting my snot all over it....)

So I have decided, though it is a controversial and slightly disgusting concept, to make a bunch of hankies out of an old cotton t-shirt I've appropriated and use them over the course of the week. Obviously I plan on washing them very regularly, but just think, always having a hankie on hand? Never wasting bags and bags of paper???

I think it's a pretty good fourth resolution for my eco-challenge. It will start as soon as I've washed that t-shirt.
Apparently this is some kind of marketing project to make hankies look cool.....

Jack???

Today I saw Captain Jack Sparrow strolling down the street. Except he wasn't really strolling, it was like the drunken stumble/swaying walk that Johnny Depp perfected in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies.

This guy was dedicated, I tell ya. Not only was he dressed COMPLETELY the same (his facial hair was real from what I could tell, and I have no idea where you get real leather boots like that) and then just going from A to B he refused to step out of character (no pun intended).
He wasn't even with a bunch of people on his own, just kind of swaying along on the sidewalk, heading to the Pirate Summit at the Palais universitaire????

Completely random.

I was wishing at the time that I had my camera so I could run up to him yelling, "Capitaine Jack! CAPITAINE JACK! Pourrais-je prendre un photo???". Kind of glad I didn't now though, because it would have been disapointing if he didn't speak English. (French Jack Sparrow just isn't the same is he?)

Captain Jack Sparrow winters in Strasbourg when the Caribbean gets a little too hot.

A Letter from a Friend

I got a message from a friend today.

I thought I'd lost you. I hadn't realized how much I missed you until I got about half way through your message and started to cry. People are so stupid, we let ourselves get so far apart.
If you read this, you'll know who you are.
Thank you, you probably have no idea how much this meant to me.
I miss you.

Itchy, Scratchy, Nagging Feet

I think being on exchange has given me itchy feet. I used to be a homebody, perfectly happy to stay in my country, accumulate objects and make money. Now all I can think about is filling my yellow hiking bag and going somewhere, anywhere....
.....INDIA.

I don't know if it was because my cousin took off on her own and just... went, or some kind of switch was flicked in my brain, but I think about it almost every day. I used to look forward to getting back to Canada so I could back into my rugby/university routine. Now all I can think about is graduating and working so I can take off and be a ragamuffin vagabond for a few months.

Things were so much easier and safer when I was staring at my hands thinking to myself, What can I make? Now I'm staring at the sky thinking, Where can I fly? and my comfortable middle class house with the dog and the window boxes is slowly caving in on itself (at least, the dog waits for me by the crushed picket fence for when I get back).

My dreams are changing.

MERDE.

SHIT.
This week has been a fiasco sprinkled with little moments of greatness. Classes started this week. They posted our class schedules like, Friday afternoon, so the past few days have been a flurry of trying to mash together three different kinds of class schedules in order to get all of the complementary courses I need in.

I had to resort to taking pictures of the posted classes, because in one location two of the kinds of classes are posted one with : day, time, classroom, the other only with a course code. Then you have to treck to another building to look up the course code and copy the information, still without a description of the class. Basically I've just shown up to these unknown classes mostly because they happened to fit my schedule, and hope for the best. I've been lucky. I've found a really interesting Algerian Police Novel class, and a comparison class between Renaissance Art and Literature.

Those are the high moments. Then I hit a rut like today, where I walk to school, only to find the class has been moved (to a time and date that eliminates yet another potential complimentary class) - though they still havn't told us the classroom, and then had to walk home again. I popped into yet another university building to try and sign myself up for a Intro. German class, and find out that they started almost a month ago, continue until June, and ask for 125euros for the course (basically that I'd be behind indefinitely). So depressing. At first I just got angry. Now it's just a kind of resigned lethargy. I don't want to do anything, because anything always requires so much energy (aka comparing photos snapped of courses, comparing the schedules, actually finding the classrooms since there's usually no building indicated...), and usually lead to disapointment: classes cancelled, moved, or non-existant.

Then I got my marks back today. It was like a slap in the face. Somehow I went from getting a 17 in comprehension orale to an 11,5 (average of 13,7), and a 14,5 in comprehension ecrite to a 9 (average of 11,75)???? How could I possibly be regressing so badly? The worst part is I have no idea who to talk to about this, because the teacher's know just about as much as us, and the secretaries are all crocodiles ready to tear the heart and gull bladder out of any student who so much as dares step into their office.

AND the IIEF is trying to offer us complementary courses that they offered last semester to the french group four levels below ours. At first that really bothered me (that's like the difference between being able to hold a conversation or being able to make a full, grammatically correct sentence), but after seeing my marks ... who knows, maybe it's what I should be taking.

I seem to recall our supervisor telling us we need at least a 14 to get the credits. The thought of going back to Canada with anything less but the full slew of credits I was supposed to get here makes me want to break things (especially IIEF things). If I can't get these credits I will have to honestly rethink my entire degree, I'm staying five years as it is.

My self confidence is entirely shattered. How can I pass these courses when last semester's marks were rat shit???

I don't know how to do this.

#3. No Plastic Bottles.

I am defiant. I refuse to purchase plastic bottles, whether they be for water, juice or milk (sounds weird, but milk does come in plastic bottles here). Unfortunately I can't cut out all plastic per se, since most toiletries and condiments come in plastic. However I can cut my usage of drinking bottles right out - from now on I will only be allowed to buy things that come in glass bottles or cartons.

Here's a kind of depressing reality (I promise to blog something a little more uplifting soon):

"Sometimes known as the horse latitudes, it is a Texas-sized span of ocean between Hawaii and California rarely plied by sailors because of a perennial, slowly rotating high-pressure vortex of hot equatorial air that inhales wind and never gives it back. Beneath it, the water describes lazy, clockwise whorls toward a depression at the center.
Its correct name is the North Pacific Subtropical Gyre, though Moore soon learned that oceanographers had another label for it: the Great Pacific Garbage Patch...For a week, Moore and his crew found themselves crossing a sea the size of a small continent, covered with floating refuse. It was not unlike an Arctic vessel pushing through chunks of brash ice, except what was bobbing around them was a fright of cups, bottle caps, tangles of fish netting and monofilament









line, bits of polystyrene packaging, six-pack (Image taken from this site: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-512424/Rubbish-dump-floating-Pacific-Ocean-twice-size-America.html) rings, spent balloons, filmy scraps of sandwich wrap, and limp plastic bags that defied counting....
By 2005, Moore was referring to the gyrating Pacific dump as 10 million square miles - nearly the size of Africa. It wasn't the only one: the planet has six other major tropical ocean gyres, all of them swirling with ugly debris." [emphasis added]
(Weisman, Alan. The World Without Us. Toronto: Harper Perennial, 2007)

Iiiiin other words, buy a Sigg bottle if you like having a water bottle with you wherever you go.
Exhibit A:

#2. No plastic exfoliants.

That last blog had a ranting quality that I kind of find distasteful. I think my frustration with the french scholastic system is affecting my general chill-ness. In an attempt to be more positive, here is my second New Years Eco Project resolution (I have to give Signe credit for this idea, it was her blog that made me want to do a New Years thing).

"Especially troubling was that Hardy's plankton recorder had trapped all this plastic 10 meters below the surface, suspended in the water. Since plastic mostly floats, that meant they were seeing just a fraction of what was actually there. Not only was the amount of plastic in the ocean increasing, but ever smaller bits of it were appearing - small enough to ride global sea currents. Thompson's team realized that slow mechanical action - waves and tides that grind against shorelines, turning rocks into beaches - were now doing the same to plastics... At the same time, there was no sign that any of the plastic was biodegrading, even when reduced to tiny fragments." (Weisman, Alan. The World Without Us. Toronto: HarperCollins Publishers, 2007. 144-145)
Weisman then goes on to talk about all the animals we hear about that die from plastic in the ocean, otters choking on the plastic six pack rings, birds strangled by nets, and other big sea animals found dead with chunks of plastic in their stomachs. He goes on to talk about the smaller animals in the ocean now ingesting these smaller particles, and how for many of them if the plastic bits are too big, it gets lodged in their intestines. Weisman refers to an experiment done by Richard Thompson on lugworms (some kind of bottom feeder), wherein on ingesting plastic, "... the particles lodged in their intestines, the resulting constipation was terminal." (Weisman, 145)

So here's where we get to exfoliants:
When we shower, and use our exfoliants, with their "micro-fine polyethylene granules," or "polyethylene micro-spheres," or "polyethylene beads," we're washing teensy little pieces of plastic right down the drain. Into the rivers and ocean, and into aqua-life bellies.

It's not hard to check the ingrediants list on the next bottle of exfoliant that you buy, and to get the bottle that's a buck fifty more expensive that uses natural exfoliants (which are apparently things like ground up seeds and crushed walnut shells).

So I vow never to use an exfoliant with plastic, not just for this year, but for the rest of my life.
Huzzah!

Meat.

This blog will probably offend a few people, and for that I'm sorry.

Yesterday I wrote a blog about being more environmentally friendly and eating less meat in order to limit the strain that animal farming puts on our land and water resources. I never realized meat was such a touchy subject: within a day I had a slew of comments. I love getting comments, all comments, even if they're controversial. The only thing I can say really, is that I would ask people not to take what I have written, and twist it to fit their political agenda.

This website, http://meat.org (please don't visit it unless you're really curious, if you've ever watched PETA videos it's basically the same brutality and sensationalism* except with John Travolta CORRECTION ALEC BALDWIN, SORRY JOHN as the narrator) was suggested to me in following with my blog about eating less meat. Though I am somewhat resentful that this kind of propaganda* has been put forward and basically politicizing and shifting the agenda from my eat-less-meat-to-be-greener to don't-eat-meat-because-they-torture-baby-cows, I've got to thank you for writing this comment, because it has opened up a passionate subject of debate that I think interests a lot of people.

*I use the word sensationalism and propaganda very tentatively here, so please don't just close this screen if you're a PETA or meat.org advocate. I will explain why, though they fight for a very good cause (the rights of farm animals and decency as well as the implementation of merciful and painless slaughter) I think their videos are sensationalist.

I don't care what side you support, all I ask is that if you do comment on this blog, that you remain respectful to other people and their arguments (and call me out on it if I'm not being fair or respectful!).

Hear me out:
I resent those PETA videos on farming. Not because I don't agree with their cause, I totally do. Except I make a difference my way: I eat eggs from free range chickens, when I can I buy chicken breasts from farms where the chickens are also free range. I have made an effort to eat as little veal and lamb as possible. I don't cut out meat, but I'm not a mindless-meat-consuming machine.
But here's what really pisses me off: while much of what they document rings of truth, there is a whole lot of bullshit in their videos. They don't give you any numbers, like, how many farms they visited where farmers were abusing their livestock - or showing farms that treated their animals well, read: standards that should be applied. They throw out things like, farmers are sadistic bastards who painfully de-beak their chickens because they've driven the chickens crazy and its the only way to keep them from killing each other. I had the misfortune of spewing this one day at a friend's house (oh yes, I was a PETA girl once), and her dad turned to me and shut me down. I had forgotten he had been a farmer once. He told me that everyone has to de-beak the chickens because they are aggressive by nature and will actually kill one another. Of course he admitted that some farmers might abuse their animals, just like some people abuse their pets, but many farmers love (is love too strong a word? Even I don't think you could bear killing an animal you love) their animals, or maybe, care about them anyway.
It was then that the seed of doubt was implanted in my mind. If PETA was sensationalizing de-beaking, what else were they telling us that wasn't necessarily true?

Just in case you don't buy the whole farmers-HAVE-to-de-beak-their-chickens bit (I had my doubts too, so I found an article from a scientific magazine) here's some info:

"The practice of beak trimming in the poultry industry occurs to prevent excessive body pecking, cannibalism, and to avoid feed wastage. To assess the welfare implications of the procedure, an emphasis of this paper has been placed on the anatomical structures that comprise the beak and mouth parts and a representation of the structures removed following beak trimming. Five animal welfare concerns regarding the procedure have been addressed, including the following: loss of normal beak function, short-term pain and temporary debilitation, tongue and nostril damage, neuromas and scar tissue, and long-term and phantom limb pain. Because all of the concerns involve the nervous system, the current knowledge of the avian somatosensory system was summarized. The critical components include touch, pain, and thermal receptors in the buccal cavity and bill, the trigeminal system, and neural projections mapped to the pallium (cortical-like tissue in the avian forebrain). At the present time, a need remains to continue the practice of beak trimming in the poultry industry to prevent head, feather, and vent pecking in some lines of birds. The procedure, however, should involve conservative trimming and be limited to young birds. Importantly, data show that removing 50% or less of the beak of chicks can prevent the formation of neuromas and allow regeneration of keratinized tissue to prevent deformed beaks and therefore positively affect the quality of life of birds during their lifetime."
(Kuenzel, W.J. "Neurobiological Basis of Sensory Perception: Welfare Implications of Beak Trimming", Poultry Science Association, 2007 http://ps.fass.org/cgi/content/full/86/6/1273 Accessed Jan.20, 2009)

There are negative effects to beak trimming, all I'm saying is that its not some kind of needless abusive procedure. The scientist acknowledges that though there are health implications, it is necessary until a better solution can be found. This is a far cry from the horrific and needless procedure that PETA makes it out to be (in my opinion).

I don't like being fed propaganda, no matter what the source is. I acknowledge that the slaughtering standards should be improved (they should make all slaughter houses kosher, in my opinion), but that doesn't mean you should use scare tactics. Plus, because PETA videos advocate vegetarianism and the complete elimination of meat consumption, that ostrasizes a large population that want to still eat meat but don't want the animals to suffer for it. If someone came out with a video that gave credible facts, gave an unbiased (or at least radically less biased) account of what is going on in the livestock industry, I think a lot more changes would be implemented (and faster) than a few people being put off meat because they watched that whole video (I'm glad today was a no meat day for project New Years Eco, gross).
ANNND if this hypothetical video of livestock rights added a little segment on how livestock farming strains the environment, and encourages reduced meat consumption, everything would be just peachy as far as I'm concerned.
Sometimes I just don't know what to think though, you know? There are articles that praise animal rights groups like PETA, and there are many that condemn them. We just have to find a medium between both extremes I guess.

#1: Eat less meat.

I like meat. A sandwich just doesn't seem like a sandwich without meat in it. I'm the last person that wants to become a vegetarian. People have been eating meat for hundreds of thousands of years. Our teeth are set up the same as many omnivorous animals. Humans were MEANT to eat meat... but that doesn't mean we have to all the time.

Considering how much waste is produced and resources that are used for our meat consumption, it's a small sacrifice to go meat-free once to twice a week.

Here's some more info on the environmental impact of our meat production (its remarkably hard to find unbiased articles on the net about this subject... lots of gung-ho vegan articles, of which I doubt the credibility of their facts, no offense to all you extreme vegans out there):

"Most of the world’s water is used for agriculture. However, production and processing of meat requires a disproportionate amount of water compared to any other form of food production. Industrial-scale feedlots can house hundreds of animals, thereby creating enormous pressure on local water supplies. According to our calculations, water used for meat production and processing accounts for 14% of the environmental impacts the average Canadian household has on aquatic habitat. (See The Science of the Challenge for these calculations.) In arid regions, livestock competes against humans for water... The second greatest impact of meat production is on land. Meat production is the world’s largest user of land, for pastures and through the use of arable land for fodder crops. In Canada, livestock numbers have increased over the last five years for cattle (4.4%), pigs (26.4%), chickens (23.4%) and sheep (46%). This astonishing growth in livestock means that the production of cereal crops raised for feed must increase. This only increases the burden on land and water. "

(Pazderka, Catherine et al., The Green Guide to David Suzuki's Nature Challenge, 2008)

Here's a fun blog that you might want to check out sometime, kind of reminds me of a book I read recently (My Year of Living Biblically, by A.J Jacobs). The site seems to be about some guy that has been trying to completely eliminate his environmental impact: http://noimpactman.typepad.com/blog/
(Apparently they're making it into a book AND a movie!)

Here are his "facts" (I only put "facts" in quotation marks because I can't seem to access his sources, but I am ready to believe what he has put down) about eating meat:

18 percent of greenhouse gas emissions come from livestock (more than from transportation).

70 percent of previously forested land in the Amazon was cleared to pasture cattle.

Two-thirds (64 percent) of anthropogenic ammonia emissions, which contribute significantly to acid rain and acidification of ecosystems, come from cattle.

The livestock sector accounts for over 8 percent of global human water use, while 64 percent of the world’s population will live in water-stressed areas by 2025.

The world’s largest source of water pollution is believed to be the livestock sector.

In the United States, livestock are responsible for a third of the loads of nitrogen and phosphorus into freshwater resources.

Livestock account for about 20 percent of the total terrestrial animal biomass, and the 30 percent of the earth’s land surface that they now pre-empt was once habitat for wildlife, in an era of unprecedented threats to biodiversity.

These problems will only get worse as meat production is expected to double by 2050.

(No Impact Man, 2007, Accessed Jan.19, 2009. http://noimpactman.typepad.com/blog/2007/08/why-the-no-impa.html)
Today is Monday, and I already ate some meat with my sandwich. I think tomorrow will be one of my No-Meat days for this week.

New Years's Resolution(s)

I finally figured it out. (Two weeks too late... so unprepared). I've decided that my New Year's Resolution is to try to be a Greener person. The idea first came to me when the David Suzuki Foundation (did you know its a Canadian foundation...??? Maybe I'm seriously out of the loop here, but I had no clue until I googled it in France) sent me an email about messaging the Finance Minister Jim Flaherty about including more eco-friendly strategies in the new budget.

Please visit
http://e-activist.com/ea-campaign/clientcampaign.do?ea.client.id=94&ea.campaign.id=2264
to send your message, it honestly takes like, 5 mintues, and then you get a cool little email from the Ministry of Finance saying Mr. Flaherty thanks you for blah-blah-blah.
JUST DO IT. NOW. The budget comes out January 27th.

A Green Economy: http://www.davidsuzuki.org/GreenEconomy/
(Interesting article on how a green economy can generally strengthen the Canadian economy despite the economic crisis).

Anyway so I think I'm going to come up with 12 Resolutions on how I can be a greener person, and I can't just pick things I do already, like walk everywhere and use public transit. I'm going to find things that I didn't really know about before, or that I never do, so that I can be a greener person.

New Years Fail

As I read the various blogs I've subscribed myself to, I have come to the conclusion that I'm probably the only person who didn't write a witty little blog about the New Year, or give a list of resolutions that I should follow.

My resolution: TO BE MORE ON TOP OF SHIT DAMN IT.

I will find something cooler in the theme of the New Year to blog about. It will be several days/weeks/blogs late, but at least it's something.
Crap. I can't believe myself sometimes. Bahahha. Now I can't believe I'm chastising myself over a blog....

"Oh Pardon"

Ughhh visited Strasbourg's (and Eastern France's one of two) "Subway" today (you know, the restaurant). It was weird going to a fast food joint where full grown men were working and talking kindly to the children on the other side of the counter rather than surly, pimply teenagers. You could tell that Subway was a fairly new concept though (the little girl asked her mom as they were wrapping up a tortilla, "C'est une crêpe maman?"), and the men behind the counter were taking their sweet time.

And they didn't cook the bacon. (That's me on the right being haunted by the bacon... hahaha but actually: a painting by Francis Bacon)

It looks like pre-cooked bacon. I mean... I really HOPE it's pre-cooked bacon. Because they just popped it into my sandwich rather than cooking it on those dinky little carton trays in the microwave... It was still mushy when I started eating the sub. So now I'm wondering if its half-cooked bacon, whether the mere suggestion to my stomach that I may have food poisoning is making it roil, or if the idea of getting food poisoning the day before we go to Paris (where you have to pay 50 centimes every time you want to use the washroom - if you can find one that is) is stressing me out so much that I'm giving myself indigestion.

Ah well. We'll know by tomorrow won't we? Food poisoning twice in a matter of six months....never had this in my life before coming to France damn it. I THOUGHT THEY INVENTED HAUT CUISINE?!?! Bastards keep poisoning me.

Anyway the title of this blog was actually because I think I might be one of the most apologetic tourists EVER. Even as I was boiling with resigned rage at the thought of being food poisoned, as I imagined myself going back the next day to yell at them, all I pictured in my head was of myself apologizing but telling them that they really should cook the bacon first. It's the same with everything. People rudely bump into me at the super market without saying a word, and I find myself saying sorry, even though I was the one they shouldered aside. Sometimes I cringe when I hear other exchange students talking with french people if they don't apologize for bothering them or thank them profusely, because of this weird sense of overcompensation.

Is it a Canadian thing, that we're too P.C or too polite, that we're apologetic for even being in a country not our own? Or is it France? Are they so haughty on the outside that while you break through to their friendliness you feel unwanted and guilty for making them put up with you?